This is a place to expand on the wonderful stories and content from the weekly interview show you love. On the show we share stories about the emotions, struggles, and triumphs we experience on our journey to self discovery and acceptance.The show streams live on Tuesday nights at Twitch.tv/theTransgenderShow.
The wife of trans-community rock star VictoriaMaximus, Bailey is an animal activist with a YouTube channel who loves hiking, yoga, video games, rescuing stray kittens (up to 24 so far!), and cuddling her own cats.
YouTube: Bailey's take on Tiger King
Mila is a 27 years young artist from Montréal Canada, She paints, draws, sculpts, and even composes poetry from time to time. She studied hairdressing but is working on her art full time at the moment. She was the face of a campaign against transphobia in Quebec in December 2019, starring in a commercial with her parents. She started hrt 3 years ago and is excited to be getting bottom surgery very soon.
As an mother of 5, the Director of HR for a mid-sized educational organization, and avid fan of The Office, there is no shortage of humor in my life. I love to laugh at life, and sometimes it seems like it's a required skill as a transgender woman.
I recently started Love in the Face (www.loveintheface.com) as love letter to the transgender community from me and my wife Katie. We aim to provide support through free mentoring for transgender individuals, families, allies, and their faith and work communities as they navigate the process of discovery, coming-out, and finding solid footing in their identities. We believe marking transition is important and support transgender individuals by providing free Name Claiming, Marriage, Coming-out, and Release ceremonies. We also provide consulting services for organizations and churches seeking to provide a safe, inclusive, affirming environment for their members, staff or constituents.
I’ve also recently written a book (now on Kickstarter at www.bit.ly/storyofnib) of how I came to find myself. It’s a story for everyone who has conformed to the expectations of those around them, losing themselves in the process, and I hope people who read it hear “you belong.” I partnered with an artist in Venezuela, Lluvia Vilandia (@lluviavelandia on Instagram), who is creating a series of illustrations. Each illustration is her interpretation of the scenes and the finished book should be approximately 100 pages in length, with 51 illustrations. The Kickstarter is live through Thursday, October 22nd at 2pm CST.
Kickstarter for her book: Story of Nib
Website: Love in the Face
Campaign website: MaesforJudge.com
Facebook page: Maes for Judge
Trans IRL show on Facebook: Trans IRL
Trans IRL show on YouTube: Trans IRL
Facebook: Dragongirl Studios
DnD Adventures Kickstarter: Judges Guild
DnD Adventures at Drive-Thru RPG Fifth Wall Games & Miniatures
Love in the Face: Mentoring, counseling, and many great resources for the trans community
The 519: LGBT services in the Toronto area
How do I come out at work?
As with anything related to being trans there are a ton of different variables here. First, it's a great idea to know your state's history, stance, and laws regarding transgender rights (discrimination based on gender and gender presentation). This will give you a framework for what your rights are. Which can help you feel more confident. The biggest piece though is your relationships with your coworkers. In any coming out situation, it's best and easiest to go into it with people on your side, supporting you. So if you can reveal to a couple close friends what's going on they can help make you feel better and give you there ideas on how to approach your boss and the company. If the person your closest to is your boss and you can get their support, that's a big win. If you have a great relationship with HR (in a larger company...as I did) then you've hit the jackpot. I've personally come to the belief that telling people sooner is better. You may not fully understand it yet, and may not be ready to make a big deal of it, but the earlier you can bring it up to people, the more time they have to understand, research, and acclimate to the idea. Of course that is hind-sight speaking. When it comes down to it, usually the way you do it is the best way you're able to do it. And it's better to come out and do it than to hide and live in fear, depressed about the fact that you're not your true self. There aren't the emotional concerns in coming out at work that are present in coming out to family, but on the other side there are legal implications, safety, and the comfort of the employees and clients. It's impossible to predict how anyone or any company is going to react. A company large enough to have a dedicated HR team can be a good thing, but depending on how it's managed and their understanding of company priorities, that could make the situation harder. I've always taken the stance of be prepared for the worst. Do your best to drop the fear and just have faith that it's a decision and an action you have to make for yourself and your mental and emotional health. That will help you prepare for and then deal with any consequences that come.
How do I come out to my boyfriend or girlfriend?
Step away from the computer and do it now. Serious relationships have to be based on honesty and communication. If you keep something like this from your partner for the sake of staying together guess what?...you're not actually in a relationship because it's not the real YOU. It's a representation of you that you're giving your partner so they stay with you. And that's incredibly unfair to both of you. So, if you're looking up this question, you must have a discussion about this ASAP because it's clearly something you realize is a part of you. You should give your partner the opportunity to know the real you and to go through it with you and make decisions for themselves. If your partner can't accept you for being trans, they sure as heck can't accept you for being a closeted trans liar who keeps secrets from them. So by continuing to hide, you just delay the inevitable and compound their feelings of betrayal by adding more time that you weren't honest with them.
You could start the conversation by saying "I'm really nervous to talk about this, but I care about you and want to be completely open and honest with you. I believe I'm transgender. It's something I've been feeling inside for a while but was in denial and trying to fight against. But I'm coming to realize it's who I am and I need your support as I explore this"